Mission Control, We have a Problem

I wrote this in the spring of 2016 – I’m just saying this would explain a lot. 


“Primary, this is NetOne, we have an anomaly in the primary neural OS.” It was the engineer responsible for monitoring the unit’s higher functions.

“Go ahead NetOne.“ Primary changed screens on his monitor and brought up the data being viewed by the NetOne engineer.

“It appears to me there has been some new code inserted into…” The engineer couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Some kind of a patch sir that is rerouting the communication sub-band structure.” He was talking slower with each word.

“SysCom, what is the status of the unit now?” Primary was looking for an update on the unit’s ability to communicate with mission control. The operation team lead then picked up the handset ringing directly to the mission manager. “Stand-by SysCom.” Primary waited for the manager to answer. “Sir, this is Primary, we have a software anomaly on unit 647-Gamma. We are getting details. This would appear to be a major incident requiring a level 5 response. I’ll need to close the room as soon as you and the client get here.” He hung up the phone.

SysCom took the cue. “All communication systems are nominal. At this time I am not seeing any residual affects of the unauthorized code.” The engineer was hedging his bets.

“Where is the unit now SysCom?” Primary was watching the door, waiting for the mission Manager and the client.

“He is with the spouse in a hotel room in Texas.”

“NetOne, do you have an update?”

“I am attempting to download the logs now. Also have requested review by the development team.”

“Get your team down here now.” Primary picked up another phone. “The room is closing when MM and the client get in.”

“I have already made the request, they are on the way.”

“IntSys, what is your status?” Primary was inquiring on the units internal system functionality, these were the systems for the unit’s basic operations. Think of it as the engine and transmission or guts, heart, skeleton, and skin. NetOne is the brain of the operations.

“Completing level 3 diagnostic now. All software checks out, no changes to the code. Power system at fifty-two percent. Appears to be performing the human mating operation.”

“SysCom. Let’s bring up the visual. Split screen.” Primary was still watching the door with two eyes while the other two looked at the video screen. “POV and from the cube. I want a full view of the unit.”

“Confirmed, give me fifteen to configure.” SysCom under promised and over delivered. “On screen.”

The large screens at the front of the mission control room flickered and changed from showing data and a map to two videos; on the left side a woman’s face moving from top to bottom and back in rhythm. The video on the right side was a human man and woman in the missionary position on a king size hotel bed.

A general sense of disgust ran through the team.  The engineer at SysCom leaned over to the IntSys engineer. “That’s disgusting. I can’t believe humans have even made it this far.”

“I know.” The IntSys engineer turned all eight eyes to SysCom. “I can’t believe we have to watch this. I just ate lunch.”

“Heads up team. I’m told the the client and Mission Manager will be here in one minute.” Primary was aware of his team’s attitude towards this project. “NetOne, what is the status of getting your team into the room?”

“Thirty seconds sir.” NetOne was further analyzing the lines of code on the screen. “It appears sir the unit has somehow managed to self produce code, by-passing the limits gate on the moral sub-system.”

“Thank you NetOne. Get your team assembled. You’ve have a few minutes to continue your analysis. Expect to give a report to the Mission Manager and client when they get here.”

“I am a good looking man.” The New York accent broke the silence of the room like a 5 ton weight. “I haven’t seen myself make love to a woman since I made that video with the girls from South America.” He nudged the Mission Manager with his elbow. “I took a two of the blue pills for that one. I was fantastic for the whole night.”

“The room is locked.” Primary pressed a large green button on the top of the console. “All teams secure your stations and data.” The doors of the mission control room swung shut and locked.

“Primary, report.” The Mission Manager did not like having to spend time with this or any of their clients. He walked briskly to Primary’s station, at the back of the room on the elevated platform.

“NetOne has identified some questionable code in the primary neural system. It would appear to by-pass the ethics limiter on the moral sub-system. NetOne’s team is reviewing and will have a briefing for you in two minutes.” Primary pointed over to the console where the NetOne engineer sat. Several other bodies surrounded the station, clearly they were in deep deliberation.

“So what’s going on here?” The client was not a man to be kept out of the loop.

“Sir, it would appear your replicant unit has exceeded the parameters we established at the on-set of this mission.”

“You mean he’s become better than me?” The human raised his arms and tiled his head side to side. “I’m not surprised. Once any computer system fully understands me, it will see my greatness and then move to build upon it. How can it not?”

“Sir,” The Mission Manager was hesitant about this project from the beginning.

“Please, call me Don.” The human did not allow this often, he was being gracious.

“Don, the intent of this mission was to give you a vacation while your replicant ran for your country’s presidency. The agreement was this would be a six-month project, ending on February 28, Earth time. ”

“I change my mind, call me Sir. Let me fill you in on a little secret. I wrote the code by-passing your moral limiting sub routine. I knew your code would be based on my own brain make-up and, after manipulating  some of my thought patterns during the replicant system development, I told my replicant self to manipulate the code. Thus providing the new me with the ability, after hitting several milestones, to change my code and break the mold your engineers had built.” The client stopped as he caught his reflection in a monitor at a nearby station.

“There is nothing surprising about what is going on.” He fixed his hair. “OK, I’m a little surprised that I have gotten this far in the presidential race. But let it ride. Give the new me a chance. He’s earned it. Or should I say I’ve earned it.” Trump turned to leave the room. “Let’s see what happens. Plus, I’m not ready to go back.”

“Sir.” The Mission Manager got Trump to stop. “Your contract with us stipulates the project ends on February 28th. You sir need to return and your replicant is destroyed.”

“I changed my mind.” Trump turned to the mission manager. “I’ve talked with your boss, he’s agreed to extend the project another four months.” He walked to the doors. “Let’s get him to the convention and see what happens. This will be fun.”

“Also I’ve found someone new. She’s very interesting. I don’t know her name or what she is saying but she has four breasts.” He stops and turns to the group. “She’s just tremendous.” He continues walking to the doors and raises his right hand in the air. “You guys just continue what you were doing.”

By now all the engineers are standing; two of their eyes on Primary and the mission manager the other two on the client.

The client gets to the doors and tries to open them, shaking the locked doors. “You know, after marrying foreigners, I think I’ll go for a real out of this world experience.” He looked back at the Mission Manager and with his tiny hands points, “Now open this door.”

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